Band Complains About Scene and is Immediately Signed to Major Label

We've all heard it before - musings like "the local scene sucks" and "all local bands sound alike." As it turns out, frequent use of disparaging phrases such as these may be beneficial to a musician's career.

A local punk band, known for it's frontman's constant verbal abuse of the local scene, has recently signed a record deal with a major label. Unlike many actually deserving local bands, this comes as no surprise to the punk group, whose singer stated, "We have been on the verge of getting signed for years. I know tons of big names in the industry; for instance, I won backstage passes to Blink-182 back in the day, so naturally Billie Joe Armstrong is now one of my best pals." When asked if he knew Billie Joe is in Green Day and not Blink-182, he had no comment.

He did, however, go on to say, "The local music scene sucks. There's no individuality, and frankly, no talent. Bands here only know how to play the same thing as everyone else." He then proceeded to perform a few of his band's songs, which only use the same three power chords.

It was a complaint such as this, posted on Facebook, that initially captured the label's attention. A representative from the label was browsing when he stumbled upon the band's post, and was immediately impressed by the sheer lack of respect. "If these guys are willing to slander their own scene," he stated, "then of course they are willing to screw over anyone. That's the kind of band we can work with. It is, after all, no secret that the music industry thrives on backstabbing and treachery."

So, it turns out, being a whiny little bitch can be good for your music career after all! Take note, local musicians...

In other news, there is nothing new to report in the Royal Bliss random pregnancy debacle. It appears that the band is taking a break from performing for a while.