Local Promoter Develops Genius Booking Strategy

In a groundbreaking new initiative, an up-and-coming local concert promoter has created a bold new booking strategy. After years of bland, disappointing local shows, the promoter decided to shake things up a bit. The strategy? Booking as many bands as humanly possible on a single lineup.

The promoter has already implemented the tactic in a couple recent shows with astonishing results. Last month, he put together arguably the biggest local concert Utah has ever seen, with a total of 2,400 bands playing over the course of four hours."Each band," he told reporters, "got 1.5 seconds for setup and tear-down, with 4.5 whole seconds to play. Since each band was required to sell at least 500 tickets, we had well over a million in attendance. The Metro Bar was almost at capacity."

It definitely was the largest scale concert Utah has ever seen, but not everyone views it as a great thing. With tickets at a very inexpensive $5, it has all but put the competition out of business, and the other local promotion agencies are furious. Most continue to claim that 2,400 bands is way too many for one night, while others struggle to follow suit booking massive lineups.

On the other side, local bands love the idea and are happy to continue to play without getting paid a cent. Most report that they don't even like their own music, so playing for 4.5 seconds without pay is really no big deal to them. Good news for the local promoter, it seems, as estimates reveal the recent 2,400-band lineup grossed well over six million dollars. "Well, it was my birthday," he says, "so I deserve every penny." Sources reveal that the majority of the profits from the concert went directly into the promoter's pocket, except for $20 that went to a male stripper in the alley behind the bar.

In other news, allegations have been refuted in the Royal Bliss random pregnancy controversy. After DNA testing revealed that Neal Middleton is not the father of any children conceived during his onstage Royal Bliss performances, all charges and alimony demands have been dropped. However, it is rumored that the bands bassist, Dwayne Crawford, may in fact be the unknowing culprit. More on the story as it develops.